Courageous

In the movie Courageous there was a line told to the father of a little girl that dies which said you can either be angry for the time you didn't get to spend with Emily or be grateful for the time you did and it left me wondering with my missing Laura...Can't I be both? Because that is how I feel about my time with Laura. Sure I am grateful that I was blessed to have her in my life...very grateful. But, I am also very angry. Angry at the briefness of it all. Angry that she is no longer a part of my life but even angrier at myself for not showing  her that I cannot live without her. Because I can't. I exist but I am not really living. I breathe air when I would rather breathe in the scent of her. I drink water but would rather drink in her beauty.
Ok, I am going to stop for now but,,,there is so much more I wish I could write...so, until next time.

IRS Scum

If you work for the Infernal Revenue Service then you are by definition scum. What kind of person grows up wanting to be an Irs agent??? Scum suckers that's who. I wonder what kind of lube they use when they are being trained how to "service" you? I never thought I would admire the guy who flew the plane into the irs building but at least he wasn't taking out innocents just scum suckers. You may ask what about the wives of the scum suckers? Well, they did know what they were marrying when they got married. There are a couple of things we need to do. 1. We need to run every democRAT out of office....and about half of the Republicans. 2. We need to switch to some form of Fair Tax (National Sales Tax). What this will do is only tax the ones who can really afford it. It will also cut by two thirds the amount of scum suckers. The rest of them can go jump into a lake somewhere. My next post will explain how the Fair Tax works and why we need it.

My Polar Bear...

Laurie just had some great advice . You know--- Laurie from Cougar Town...yes the secret is out. I watch Cougar Town.  <(*_*)> Anyways, after Travis got his heart broken by Kirsten he took off to Hawaii. Laurie and the rest of the gang went after him and Laurie told Travis that "You should not make life changing decisions based on a girl you are running from or a girl you are chasing." And that is kinda what I have been doing with my life. You see I did actually find my polar bear/ coyote and she loved me with a passion that I had never known before...or since. Unfortunately she met me when I was still in my kid mode...you know...me me me...but when she left it turned me into my baby mode...or wah wah wah...Now that I am finally in a Christian adult man mode I am like how did she ever put up with me for so long? But, deep down, I already know the answer. She loved me even when I was being unlovable. What a concept. You know if somebody was to offer me a magical potion that if I drank it it would give me one more week with Laura but then I would die. I would happily, greedily drink it down so that I would get another chance to show her how much she really means to me. How much I really love her. My friends (worried about me tried to set me up on a blind date) but I refused to go because the lady's name was Laura. She might have been a perfectly wonderful woman but there was no way I could go out with her. My friends thought it was because I was still mad at my ex-wife but the truth was because I was still in LOVE with my ex-wife. As I still am now over 20 years later. For me everything is either BL or aL.

The beginning...

I am new to blogging and do not really know where to begin. I do not really expect anybody is going to read it but I must admit it is strangely therapeutic. Because nobody will ever read it---and even if somebody gets on the internet drunk some night and happens to stumble across it I can be totally honest. Both with myself and the world. Anyways, I got to thinking about love today. It is kind of funny I know so much about so many topics but not much about love. I just know the only person in this whole world I love...no longer loves me. That is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. Oh yeah, that and I love football. The Minnesota Vikings to be exact but they are going to be looking a little lost this year as well. Anyways, I got to thinking about previous loves when I was watching some movie on the internet. It was a foreign flick where they all speak gobbily-gook  which of course is the official name for any language I do not speak. So there is English and... gobbily-gook. lol. Anyways in this movie which looks to be a war movie there are a bunch of Asian villagers running from people shooting at them when one of them guy gets shot and goes down. His wife turns back and throws herself down on top of him. She is wailing and carrying on so her relatives father, mother, etc. turn back and try to pull her along but she even knowing that she is going to get shot too refuses to go. And I started thinking about love that powerful and if I had ever really had anybody love me like that. Ok, here I am going to forgo the whole Christianity aspect and how God and Jesus love me. I am a Christian and do know they love me. I was just hoping for somebody I could touch. I mean you can't exactly rock the bed with Jesus.